This week's blog is a complete personal indulgence, which I would apologize for except that ALL these rants are a complete personal indulgence. Some people might not care at all; some people will be very interested; some people, I hope, will be outraged that I wrote it. Good.
If you're here to learn happy things about dogs, don't read this. If you're interested in the pathology of a sick dog show person, it might be worth your while. And if you have ever thought about co-owning a dog with a prominent breeder, maybe it will make you think twice.
Warning: This thing is long. I won't hold it against you if you don't read it.
The story you are about to read is true; the names have been changed to protect the innocent. And the guilty.__________________________________________________________________________
Daisy Duck had the most marvelous dog...everyone told her so. "Pluto" won some prestigious awards, received national attention, and quite a few people with girl dogs bred to him wanting one of his puppies. It was a happy time. It was especially good when one of Daisy's friends, a very well-known show person named Cruella, asked if she could breed one of her beautiful champion girls to him. Daisy said, "Yes! If I can have a puppy!" Cruella didn't seem very interested in keeping a puppy for herself and agreed Daisy could have her pick of the litter.
Even though Daisy didn't really want a boy, from the time the puppies were three weeks old there was one boy puppy in the litter that she couldn't take her eyes off. A handsome puppy with a beautiful head and, as he matured, really nice movement as well. She brought "Goofy" home and loved him to pieces. She would call Cruella and rave about how stunning he was and receive a patronizing, "It's good that you like him" in return. Daisy didn't care. This was a gorgeous son of her beautiful Pluto, and she loved him with all her heart. He was a little slow to mature, so the few times he was shown he didn't win. Daisy knew that someday he would great.
One of the decisions that Daisy made when she first got him was to ask Cruella if she would co-own him. Her thought at the time was that if they co-owned Goofy the breeder could show him in Sweepstakes and in Bred-By Exhibitor classes, hoping to make Cruella feel more a part of his career. Since the breeder is one of the top dog handlers in the United States, she thought this would be a great way to have Goofy appreciated and would make the friendship with Cruella even better. The breeder agreed to do it, although without much enthusiasm. Oh well, thought Daisy. She'll see how good he will be when he grows up and be more excited! Goofy did go to a big Western show with the breeder and won the Bred-By Exhibitor class at two shows! He was just barely a year old and already able to hold his own with the big kids. Cruella started getting more interested in him. More happy times.
In the year that Daisy had owned Goofy, she had done many, many, many things for Cruella in the name of friendship. She had taken dogs to the vet for her, she had gone to her house and bred some of her dogs while she was at dog shows, she had held a party at her house when asked to and went to parties at Cruella's house. She really did think they were good friends and looked forward to sharing all of Goofy's successes with her. Even when Cruella's interest in Goofy faded completely, and she stopped answering Daisy's e-mails about him, Daisy believed that Cruella was just busy and that they were good friends.
Then...tragedy struck. On the same day that Goofy was winning a blue ribbon, his father became seriously ill. Daisy knew the symptoms...she had heard that a particular form of cancer ran in Pluto's pedigree, and when she saw her dog -- who had been completely healthy and happy just the day before -- suddenly become disinterested in food and tennis balls, she knew in her heart what was happening although she tried to deny it. This was on a Friday, and she made an appointment to take him to the vet on Monday. Then she created the best possible week-end she could. She took him to his favorite place, the lake, and they slowly walked around it together. She bought him a new can of tennis balls, and though he wouldn't chase them, he tucked them under his beautiful chin and slept on top of them. He lay on the floor in front of the TV and she brushed him as she had done when he was young. She told him stories, reminding him of all the places they had been and all the things they had done together. She brought him his favorite treat of two cheeseburgers from McDonald's, plain, no pickles, and he ate most of them! She slept on the floor with him Sunday night. When Monday morning confirmed what she already knew, she let him go. He didn't raise his head, but he looked in her eyes until the very end. He became a part of her forever. But it was a very devastating moment. Only someone who has stayed with a dog they loved completely while he leaves for that final rest knows what it's like.
I don't know why tragedy seems to come in bunches, but that is how it was for Daisy. It seemed that everything in her life was plummeting. She and Donald were having problems, personal and financial. A good friend of hers became very ill and died of cancer. The most terrifying moment was when her son went missing -- for several weeks. He was eventually found (he had joined the military), but she was close to a nervous breakdown as a result. She started having trouble with her boss and concentrating on her work. Another of her dog's developed a genetic issue and had to be spayed. Losing Pluto was the final dive into darkness, and the depression overwhelmed her. As the weeks dragged on, Daisy realized that she was not even able to take care of herself properly, let alone her beloved dogs. So she made the horrible, painful decision to place most of them. It was the most difficult -- and maybe the most "right" -- decision she ever made in her life.
On December 2, 2004 Daisy sent the following e-mail to all of her friends in the dog world:
To my friends,
This is the hardest e-mail I have ever had to write, and I have had to write some doozies in the past year or so. I know that some of you are going to be completely shocked by this -- even more so because I'm sending it as an e-mail and not talking to you on the phone. The reason I finally chose to communicate this way is because I don't think I can bear to have the conversation over and over at this point, especially with people who care about me. I've only tried to talk to one person so far, and in that conversation I broke down, cried and had to hang up. So please forgive me if this seems impersonal. I'm trying to protect myself, not trying to slight you. I'm also going to ask that you please, please, please not call me right now. This is just too tough for me. There are 30 or 40 people getting this email, and I just can't talk. I'm sorry, forgive me. Especially those of you who are somehow connected with these dogs, either as breeder, co-owner, stud dog owner...I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
Without going into too many details, unfortunately life has brought me to a point where I need to place my dogs. This is a combination of financial and personal circumstance that I have tried to ignore for a long time. Unfortunately, the time has come to face the facts. It is the only thing I can do.
As a result, I am selling all of my dogs except for three. I am offering them to the show community first
just in case they might bring something positive to your breeding and/or showing program, but my priority is to find the best home for each dog. I wish I could just give them away, but unfortunately I cannot. I don't know how much to ask for them, so I'm just going to let people express their interest and see where it takes us. I have no problem at all spaying/neutering and placing them all in loving pet homes if that is the best thing to do. I can't prolong the agony however so will be trying to get this done in the next week or so.
The dogs that are available are as follows (list deleted): Each of these dogs is so special, I am crying hysterically as I type this. I am so sorry that it has come to this for my kids, and I want them to have the best possible homes. They deserve it. None of them are perfect, and I will disclose everything about each dog before placing it in a show or breeding program. Some still need their clearances, but I will have to let them go on an "as is" basis. I just can't manage the clearances at this time.
If any of these dogs is of interest to you, please don't call me at this point. Send me an e-mail and we'll discuss it that way. Hopefully once I get my mind around this a little more, I'll be able to talk to everyone. I sincerely apologize for spreading this news in this manner.
Thank you all for trying to understand. I appreciate it and hopefully will be able to talk to everyone in the near future.The next day, Daisy received the following response from Cruella:
Hey sweetie, I am speechless and am not sure what to say. First of all if there is anything that I can do I would like to help.... I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I am sorry for not getting back with you earlier this fall but I have been dealing with my father's cancer and he lost his battle last week so I am just focusing on what is happening today. If there is anything that I can do for you please net me know.. I would like Goofy to come back home at this point in time and we can work out the logistics, but if he comes back here and things change for you I would want you to know that you could have him back to love... I just can't imagine what you are gong through at this time in your life... I would love to help if you need an ear please let me know...
Love
Cruella
Daisy, trying to take the moral high ground and do the right thing, and being moved by Cruella's offer to return Goofy if things got better, sent the following answer the same day, December 2:
Thank you, Cruella, from the bottom of my heart. I wish I was in some kind of shape to talk about all that's going on, but I'm not. If you want Goofy, I will certainly give him to you. You have put a lot of time and energy into him, and there is no way I would stand in the way of you having him if you really want him. Another option
is that Minnie Mouse would love to have him. This would be good for me, because I could really use the money. It would be good for Goofy, because all of her dogs are housedogs and truly treasured. It would also be good for his show career, as I have no doubt he would be with a top handler in short order, either who could propel him into the rankings.
All that said, if you feel he'd do better with you, that's where he will go.
All I can do is hug them at this point. I'm keeping my old girl extremely close...if anything were to happen to her I think I'd go over the edge.
Thanks again. I am so sorry what you went through with your dad. I know how hard it is from personal experience.
All my best,
DaisyShe received the following response the next day:
Daisy, Again I wish that there was something that I could do for you because it has to be a pretty devestating thing to make you sell all of your dogs. If you want someone private to talk to I will be there and keep things to myself. Anyway I do want Goofy back and I can do as much for him as Minnie can. I have put lots of effort into him and he is always in the back of my mind. So let me know what you want me to do and I will abide by your wishes.
I am so sorry and I will work something out with you and Goofy. Let me know what arrangements you want to make for me picking up Goofy. I hope that you will talk with me as I think you need a shoulder right now. My heart goes out to you and if I can do anything. Please let me know...
CruellaMany people from the dog world came forward, interested in the dogs, and one by one Daisy said good-bye to them. It was a horrible, empty, painful time and she clutched to whatever information she could find on each of her dogs as they settled into their new homes. When Cruella came to get Goofy, she couldn't even go out to say good-bye to him. She hugged him for the last time in her backyard, and Donald took him out to Cruella's car. A horrible, horrible time, and the tears flowed for days and weeks.
Two weeks later, she sent a note to Cruella asking how Goofy was. She got no answer. Two weeks later, she sent the following:
Cruella, Would love to hear something, anything, when you have a chance. Daisy
She still didn't get an answer. She kept sliding to the bottom, and hit hard. The next couple of weeks were very dismal. On New Year's Eve, she sent the following e-mail:
Cruella, I don't know what to do with Bluto (Bluto was the result of a breeding Daisy had done with one of Cruella's stud dogs; she had just gotten him back from the family that she had placed him with)...I am seriously considering put him down soon. If you have another idea, let me know. I don't want to do this without your concurrence. I just feel that a dog who has bitten a child before and who is so testy with other dogs would be a liability for me to place with a family.
How is the puppy you kept from that breeding? Have you placed him yet? Also any news on Goofy would be much appreciated.
Happy new year,
DaisyShe never got an answer to that e-mail either.
Then things started to turn around for her. She was trying to work things out with Donald, and the money situation was better. Her son was found and was healthy and well. The pain, the isolation, the despair started to give way to a new day. Once again, it seemed that life was going to be ok after all.
On April 4, 2005 she sent the following e-mail:
Cruella -- please drop me a note and let me know how he is. I don't expect much, just a note. I know how busy you are, but anything you're willing to share would be so appreciated.Hope you are well,DaisyAnd on April 14, she received the following reply:
My friend you have been on my mind so much and my life is in udder chaos... Anyway Mr. Goofy is doing good although right now and for the last few months he as well as Benji have been IDIOTS !! I am beginning to hate it when my girls are in season. I thought it was bad when they all came in at the same time... Now they are dragging it out one at a time and the boys are beside themselves. Goofy has run all of his weight off. He is eating 6 cups of food a day, plus meat and is still to lean. Now I have been confining him ( He goes with me in the car things like that) so that he will quit running off the weight... . He is finally getting some of the weight back on him. I wanted to take him to the western but he is still not in enough coat and weight. I am hoping to start showing him at the Spokane shows. I think his coat will be back in by then. He has the huge bib coat, just his belly coat is not quite long enough yet but it is coming.I have done all of his prelim clearances. His eyes are clear, heart clear and the hips were prelim good elbows normal. I did breed him to Cutie in January to hopefully give her some more size and leg length. The pups are just 4 weeks old today. If you want to see them when they are older you are welcome to. The puppies are with the gal where Cutie lives so they are not going to be here until after I get back from the Western I think.... Unless they end up being to much work for her... I will know more as they get a bit older. I am not sure she will be able to handle the noise and smell in her house at that age.... Anyway they are getting lots of love right now.I do plan on getting him to Dave as soon as he is the big fat 2 years old...to get his final x-rays... Other than that he is doing great except for the brain dead bitch phase that both him and Benji and Thumper are going through. Goofy is being the village idiot, Benji is the barking idiot and Thumper is the spinning running in circles idiot....... UGH Tom and Jerry think the boys are just stupid about the whole thing..Anyway I hope that you are doing good. I do think about you all of the time and am very sorry for not getting back with you sooner...So take care and let me know how you are doingYour friendCruellaThe very same day, Daisy replied with the following:
Thanks Cruella, and don't apologize. I've seen little snippets of how busy your life is, and I understand. Just so good to hear news of the Goofy man. Geez I miss him.That's great news about the prelims and about his puppies! How many were there? Boy I would love to come see them if you're serious, especially at 7-8 weeks old. If there's anything on that front I can help with, let me know.I probably won't be around shows much until EGRC Specialty, but can't wait for that.Hug the crazy boy for me. Life's sure quieter without Goofy! And find a few minutes for yourself, Cruella. With all the work you do, you deserve them!Best,DaisyDaisy never got another response about Goofy or the puppies from Cruella.
Everything in Daisy's life continued to improve. Her relationships with her family were stablized, she had a great summer job, and new friends and a few new activities. A couple of her real friends were excited that she was back up and running, and offered her puppies to start getting back into dogs. These were descendants of dogs she had bred, and it was very fulfilling and gratifying to have people care so much. It was like taking a big breath of fresh air for the first time in ages.
In August, Daisy tried to call Cruella but was never able to reach her. She remembered that Cruella screens phone calls very carefully, checking the numbers before she answers the phone, but she tried not to think that she was being screened out. Daisy was back on her feet, and ready to get Goofy back. She was beside herself with happiness thinking of what a joyful reunion it would be and tried to be patient. She figured that since Goofy had not been shown much, because Cruella was busy showing several of her other dogs, it might even be a blessing for her. She was very, very willing to work with Cruella and either hire a handler or let Cruella show him. In any event, it was going to be great.
But she could never reach Cruella by phone, so on August 6, 2005 she sent the following e-mail:
Hi, Cruella. I've asked Walt about you a bunch of times and he says you're just busy as heck. No surprise there, I suppose.I would very much like to talk to you about Goofy when you get the chance. I'm back on my feet in so many ways now and am interested in taking you up on your offer to give him back if I was ever able to take him. Anyway, I'd like to have the conversation on the phone, not via email...so let me know when you're actually going to be around and I'll give you a call. Even take you to lunch or something if you like.Very curious how his puppies were -- was sorry I didn't get to see them.Thanks, and hope all is well.DaisyShe never received a response. She tried calling many times, but never got an answer.
A few weeks later, Daisy had a brainstorm. She would try calling Cruella from her son's cell phone, a number that Cruella did not have. Maybe she would pick up the phone...and it worked! Cruella answered the phone and was immediately defensive when she realized Daisy was on the other end. At this point, Daisy did not know what to expect, so she tried to be positive and upbeat, explained in detail how her life was back on track, and said that she was so happy to say that she was in a position to take Cruella up on her offer to give Goofy back. She said she would do whatever Cruella said she should as far as showing him went, but that she just wanted her beautiful Pluto son back. Cruella had the strangest reaction to all of this. She just refused to talk. She didn't argue; she didn't say that she didn't want to give him back; she just shut up completely. After about 20 minutes of this, Daisy said that she would give Cruella a few days to think about it and call her back. Cruella hung up. And over the next couple of days she tried repeatedly to call Cruella, to no avail. Apparently Cruella wasn't answering the phone at all any more.
Daisy sunk into despair again, but by talking to her family and some very close friends she finally came to grips with the reality that she was either going to have to enter a lengthy legal battle, which would take time, energy and money that could be spent elsewhere, or she would have to let Goofy go. She still held out hope that may Cruella would try to work something out, perhaps offer her a Goofy puppy, but that hope was hanging from a thread. Finally, the reality came crashing down on her.
On September 3, 2005 she wrote the following note:
Well...I gave it a week before I realized that getting Goofy back would be a major tug of war with you. At that point I became so angry I couldn't trust myself to call you again, so I waited another two to calm down enough to write this. I am still furious, disappointed, discouraged and truly shocked that you won't keep your word and return my dog to me. Based on everything anyone who ever knew you for awhile has to say, I don't know why I'm shocked; but I always defended you against anyone who had a bad word to say, to the point where many people won't even talk to me because of it. You turn out to be a person I trust. What a laugh.I'm not going to fight with you over my beautiful Pluto son, who is one of a million to you and one of a kind to me. I will carry on, and I will survive, and I will be a happy person and I will only look forward. Because if I look back -- to doing multiple favors for you with little thanks, to standing up for you and suffering on many levels because of it, to paying you for a stud fee and then giving you a puppy as well, only to have you sell that puppy and not even think of me, to you now keeping my stud fee puppy that you are breeding early without final clearances, and still feeling that you are somehow entitled to him without any compensation or consideration of me -- if I look back on all the ways you abused our friendship with this final glaring act of refusing to keep your word -- I will no doubt become depressed again. Which I refuse to do, especially on account of someone like you.You have shattered my faith in people. Thank God I have a few others who are not like you.My only parting words are I hope you never think I'm going to sign off on him. You'll be looking at my name on MY dog as long as you do anything with him. And if you ever sell him, the new owners won't ever have my signature on his papers, and they will know that you would not return my dog to me.DaisyIt is just one more irony that the very same day that Daisy wrote this note, Goofy took his first point. Apparently Cruella waited until she got those calls from Daisy to enter him in a dog show, because he had not been shown for quite some time. This was her way of cementing her control over him.
Now none of this story would have ever been told, except that Daisy now hears the lies that Cruella is spreading behind her back. Cruella has told anyone and everyone who would listen that, "Daisy has some nerve trying to get her dog back after I've finished his championship and done so much work on him."
This is the biggest lie ever. Make no mistake, Cruella stole Daisy's dog. She promised to take care of him and return him to her if her situation ever improved. I don't know about how you were raised, but my mom always told me that "A Promise is a Promise and has to be kept." Cruella made a promise that she had no intention of keeping; she did it for her own personal gain and could care less about the friend she said she loved and would be a personal shoulder for in a dark, horrible time. You can decide for yourself what label to put on her: Liar? Sociopath? Schizophrenic? Greedy bitch? Whatever word you decide on, it is probably accurate. Cruella could have taken many, many different paths to make it right by her friend. Instead, she chose to grind her up once again. Except she refuses to be grinded. She holds her head high.
Honestly, through all of this, Daisy has strived to take the moral high ground. She does not want to be or become a mean-spirited, hateful, self-absorbed, nasty dog person. She wants to retain enough of her naive enthusiasm for dogs, that it remains about the DOGS and not about her own ego. She wants to be the anti-Cruella. She wishes that this story had not been forced out of her.
So, please, be careful of who you trust. When everyone around you is telling you that the person has stolen dogs from other people before because she could win with them, believe them. When they are telling you that she has to keep a dog because none of her other boys have clearances or can be bred, ask questions. When your instincts tell you to do one thing, don't let a vicious, small-minded, crazy person change your mind. Don't be Daisy Duck.
Deborah Blair-Muzzin
abelard@wavecable.com
Addendum, May 5, 2007: The outpouring of support and kindness from the dog show community literally takes my breath away. I had no idea that this story would even be read, let alone generate the response it has. Seems like many people have had similar situations, and this story sparked painful memories but created an interesting support community. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who responded.
I also wanted to give notice that, although they have been requested, Cruella refuses to supply Daisy with records of litters that Goofy has sired. Daisy has always been very conscientious about maintaining her records in accordance with AKC regulations, and this is very disturbing. Since Daisy is the Owner (not co-owner) of Goofy, she continues to receive stud inquiries, requests for photos and the original copies of all AKC documents pertaining to Goofy. It would be nice if bitch owners would supply copies of their litter registrations to the stud dog's owner of record, but that is a lot to ask. Just sayin'.
